Ethically Raising a Spiritual Child

The biggest reason I have begun to compile the resources that I am making is to help parents raise children in a way they are comfortable within their tradition. In this sense I mean tradition as ALL spiritual practices, both Abrahamic and non-Abrahamic. Think sects or religions. I have written and edited this at least half a dozen times and I need to accept that this is too big for one journal entry, it will be a series. This is the first of the parenting series.

Do I even WANT to raise my child in a tradition? How to determine what is right for your family.

Many parents struggle with what to teach their child about spiritual practices, religion, in general. Many parents have the very good idea of not forcing anything onto their child. Flipside of that is not passing knowledge onto the child and harming their spiritual development. Each parent needs to decide where they draw the line for each child in their care. That’s hard.

The first step is to sit down in a good mood and truly consider your personal beliefs. What are your absolutes? An absolute is something that you believe is absolutely true for all peoples. Knee jerk reaction, many non-Abrahamics will say they do not have any. The reality is that we all have absolutes. An absolute goes beyond “believe in me or suffer for eternity.” An absolute can be washing your hands after using the bathroom or only buying organic foods. An absolute can be to never rape someone, always get consent for all forms of sexual contact. Perhaps an absolute for you is to never consume the flesh of animal or to pray each morning.  No matter what they are, write your absolutes down. If you would be upset if your child grew up and didn’t follow it, it’s an absolute. Truth be told, they’re not common sense; they are taught. An absolute is something that must absolutely be followed. There may be rare situations where it needs not be followed but in day-to-day, week-to-week and month-to-month life it is a must. Anything that is an absolute is something you will educate your child on naturally. It is important to who you are as a person.

Some prompts:

Does your family need to be inclusive to all genders, sexes, races etc.?

Does your family need to be mindful of their consumption of resources such as water or plastics?

Does your family need to act in a specific way around elders?

Does your family need to ask for consent before physical contact of any kind?

Does your family need to honor any land spirits, angles, gods, ancestors or other spirits?

Does your family need to be mindful of the chemicals used in or on products within the home?

Does your family need to attend an educational institution up to a specific point?

Does your family need to ____________________________?

If you cannot find ANY absolutes, put it aside and try again another day. You have them.

Outside of absolutes, there are still things we would aim to teach our children but would accept if they chose to move away from them. I have found that this is where the vast majority of parents’ practices fall. The discomfort one may feel in teaching those practices to their child, in my experience, comes from being forced to follow traditions from our parents or from pop culture. In America, most of us were raised with some degree of Christianity and a lot of us had it forced on us. You HAVE to go to church. You HAVE to pray the 5 daily prayers. You HAVE to say the Shema before bed. When you exit the Abrahamic traditions, it’s a little less strict. I’ve found with the parents that I work with, comparing it to mundane aspects of life help. You don’t HAVE to use moisturizer but I like to because it helps keep my skin healthy, would you like to try some? You don’t HAVE to try this snack but I think it’s yummy, would you like to have a bite? You don’t HAVE to like this specific TV show but I enjoy it and if you want to watch, you’re welcome to join me. You don’t HAVE to sit here in meditation, but I find it helps me start my day, would you like to sit quietly with me?

We do not need to wait to be prompted by the child “what are you doing?” before we expose them to it. Children are naturally curious and things they see us doing, they will most likely want to try at least a few times. I find that it empowers my daughter for her to smoke-cleanse her room. My son couldn’t care less. Neither HAVE to smoke-cleanse their room but both have that option and have been taught how to safely do so within our traditions.

If it empowers us, there is a good chance it might empower them. I encourage parents to not hold back that empowerment from their children due to the fear of forcing it “down their throats.” Simply offer, don’t force (unless it is an absolute). Offer them the ability to leave an offering, offer them the ability to build a home for the house spirit. Offer them the ability to spiritually cleanse their room. Offer them the ability to grow in their faith as you grow in yours. It also helps strengthen the bond between parent and child. If they do not want to, let them go their way.

The next in this series will be easy ways to start incorporating children into common practices in ways which are safe for various ages.